May the best man win

A week before Valentine’s Day and romance is well and truly in the air. Since New Year, three engagements have been announced among my circle, and this morning, a second wedding invitation arrived. The first one takes place in mid-August on a farm in Somerset, uniting two of my oldest friends in matrimony, resplendent in their wellies!

Speculation has already begun surrounding the bride’s dress – no hints have been given, those in the know are keeping tight very tight-lipped on the subject. My own thoughts have turned to the best man’s speech, for me the most exciting and long-awaited part of any wedding day. Added the which, the best man in question is something of a larger-than-life character so it’s likely to be a corker of a speech.

At very wedding, the biggest question on everyone’s lips is, how long will the speech actually last? The best man may be the kind of guy who relishes the attention of the floor and will have to be separated from the microphone after half an hour or perhaps he is the shy type, all red face and sweaty palms, willing it to be over?

The speeches have become the focal event of the wedding breakfast, with guests placing bets of the length of the best man’s speech and even the father-of-the bride. They’re all so varied, there are those that are so funny, you wish you were with the bloke giving it, then there are those so crushingly boring that multiple trips to the loo seem a better way of whiling away the time.

The last wedding I attended, the best man sent us all to sleep with a 27-minute walk through his university years with the groom, leaving us wondering whether the right couple had been married that day. We all placed our bets at the start but there followed heated debate over whose bet came closest to the winning minute.

So I was pleased to hear about www.tedbets.com , the UK’s only platform where friends can bet on anything. It means you can place your bets in advance but don’t have to wait for the day itself. What will your bet be? ‘I bet John’s best man speech will go past half an hour and he’ll have to be asked to wrap it up,’ or ‘Steve won’t last more than 10 minutes before his nerves get the better of him.’ You can really place any bet you like, the choices are endless.

For the bride, the best man’s speech is one thing over which she has no control. Be kind, men! These five top tips will see any bloke right when it comes to doing a mate proud on his big day.

• Keep it clean – even the palest blue jokes won’t necessarily transcend the generations.
• Remember to compliment the bride and her bridesmaids.
• Make the happy couple the focus of the speech and don’t use it as a platform to completely take the mickey out of the groom.
• Thank all the major players involved in making it such a special day.
• Whatever you say, make sure the bride’s mother is still speaking to you at the end!

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Paloma Minter