Don’t make this mistake with your bridesmaids!

If you’re looking for an afternoon giggle it can be fun to look at any wedding forum and see the bridesmaids bitch and wine about some horrible pouffey taffeta dress picked out by a clueless bride. The forum banter than ensues can be genuinely hilarious. Of course, that doesn’t apply to you because you have excellent taste and your bridesmaids love your sense of fashion and style.

Or do they? Bridal party wedding etiquette is to suck it up then bitch about it behind your back. Chances are, you may never know just how much your besties despise your love for apricot with lavender trim. You could be feeling very smug about your choices, yet all your friends are thinking just how horrible you are to force an unwanted and often expensive dress upon the wedding party.

Just because it looks good on you…

There’s a number of reasons why these situations unfold. Most often it’s the bride with her heart set upon a specific style or colour scheme. An all too common scenario is a petite size 8 bride has an affinity for strapless and imagines it will look fab in her photos (naturally, because strapless looks fab on her). The problem is, her bridesmaids come in all shapes and sizes. Strapless can be difficult for the less endowed or fuller figured bridesmaids, not to mention just plain uncomfortable.

Don’t fool yourself

How many times have you heard a bride to be rationalize her decision or pat herself on the back about her bridesmaids fashions. ‘…and it’s so versatile they will wear it again!’ Don’t kid yourself. I have never once ever heard of a bridesmaid’s dress being repurposed as standard fashion. They eventually up in the kids dress up box or donated to good will, only to be worn at a bad taste party down the track.

Be engaging!

So here’s a novel idea not done nearly enough by the considerate bride… involve your bridal party in the selection of dresses! There are some things you do not need to compromise on, such as your dress or flowers, but when it comes to your bridesmaid’s happiness, engaging them in the decision making process can make the whole build up to the wedding so much more fun. Having their input to the bridesmaid’s dress doesn’t mean you have to be unhappy, it means everyone has the best chance of walking away happy.

Also consider how prescriptive you need to be about shoes. Sure, you will notice them, but I bet if you asked any wedding guest a week after the wedding about the bridesmaids shoes not a single person would remember anything about them. So why make a big deal about it.

Or do something crazy!

If you have bridesmaids with a funky sense of style, you could always throw it right open. Show them your wedding dress and get them to pick their own dress to suit the style. If that’s too much freedom and risk, you could always set boundaries. For example, I had a black and white wedding dress. I asked one bridesmaid to wear a black dress with a white sash, and the other a white dress with a black sash. My only conditions; I had to approve of the dress before they bought it and they couldn’t upstage the bride. End result; 2 totally different dresses that everyone was happy with, unique style and great photos. And sorry about lying earlier… they did wear their dresses again.

(Image credit: Candeela/Wiki Commons)

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