Have you both had ‘The Talk’?

Looking back on 6 years of marriage, there’s some things I did really well, and some things I wish someone told me. For starters, if I grabbed my fiancé and we sat down to talk about the list below, we would have saved tens of thousands of dollars more. The good news is I didn’t lose any friends, but I’ve met so many who have.
Talking about money, careers, mortgages and kids isn’t much fun, but knowing you share the same attitudes will result in a lot less unpleasant surprises. If you think having ‘the talk’ is hard now, just imagine how different life might be if you’re both working towards separate goals. Here’s some advice I wish I was given a few years back as I was preparing to walk down the aisle.
1) Live on one income.
If this comes at a time when you and your partner first move in together, it’s the ideal time to save money. Moving in together often feels like you’ve hit the jackpot as many expenses are halved, especially if you can get rid of one car. The trick is not to spend all that extra free cash. Kids, mortgages and, quite possibly, unemployment, may all be lurking around the corner. And if not, then you can pay your house off years ahead of schedule.
2) Set 2, 5 and 10 year goals.
I’m sure you daydream a lot about the future, what it will it look like, where will you live, how many kids… But have you discussed this in length with your partner? Knowing you are heading in the same direction makes day to day decision easier.
3) Home ownership
This is the biggest financial commitment of your lives. If both aspire to own a house, grab a calculator and get into the nitty gritty of it. Where do you want to buy? How soon? How much money do you need to make that happen? How much money does that leave left over, can you still afford do go out one night a week? Then what happens once you have kids?
4) Careers and kids
No doubt you’ve talked about having kids, or you probably wouldn’t be getting married. Once kids arrive, life changes. Good bye money! Good bye free time! You might think it’s just a 2 year break, but it’s often a 4-8 year break with a bit of part time work thrown in the mix. If you’re serious about keeping your career you will have to find a compromise. It may even mean your husband takes a year off so you can get back into the workforce full time to keep your skills up. All too often kids are just career killers, returning to a career in your 40s after 5-10 year break will be challenging.
5) Maintain your individuality & keep up with friends
You’re in love and your friends are also coupling off and even having kids. It’s easy to lose yourself in the first few years of marriage. Once kids come you’ll have even less time for friends. Make a point to keep the important friends in your life. I say important because you won’t have the time and energy to keep them all, and as life changes you may find you have not much in common with some. But those special friends that come around once in a life time, hang onto them dearly. It gets harder to make such solid friendships as you get older. Let your partner know you need both me time and friend time, and that needs to be supported.

Image credit: By Emanuele Spies from São Leopoldo, RS, Brasil (;funny!) [CC-BY-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

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Genevieve Dennis

Founder and creator of www.easynamechange.com and all round name change nerd. Post wedding etiquette expert. Lounge room rock star and wiener dog enthusiast.