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When ‘Me’ becomes ‘We’

Posted by Karen Phillip on May 4, 2015 in Reflections | 0 comments

Hello, I am Dr Karen Phillip, a new contributor to Wedding Knowhow Magazine. I am pleased to meet you all.

I am a Counselling Psychotherapist and much of my work is with couples both prior to their wedding and after their wedding when we discuss issues or problems they may encounter. A number of issues come along because the couple have been too busy planning their amazing wedding and have not really thought about their new married life and the changes marriage can bring.

Planning a married life and future together is exciting. Getting to know all in-law family on a deeper level is extraordinary and taking steps towards those impending decisions can be sensational. This is one of the most exciting times of your life, creating your brand new family.

Even when we live with our partner prior to the wedding, it surprises so many couples that once married and you are committed for life, emotions can come along that you didn’t expect. It is quite normal after the excitement of the wedding and the magnificent honeymoon, to arrive back, share all wedding and honeymoon pictures and stories and then a few months later, reality sets back in and life returns to normal.

The main difference is now that ‘Me’ is now a ‘We’ forever. This is an exciting time of planning and organising. You may want to discuss home options, children, career, even family matters, and in-laws can become a discussion point as you not only marry the person, you marry their family. You become involved with personalities and there may be expectation now on you that you never experienced prior to the wedding. This is marriage and it can be incredible now that you are a part of another family, your extended family.

Over the next few months I will discuss the many matters that can come up within the relationship. These include how to remain romantic, planning your future together, ensuring both of you are equally respected with decisions regarding career, money and family. Even the matter of ‘will I change my name after my wedding’ can be a topical discussion between couples. Many things are discussed that have no right or wrong answer however it is so important to learn how to discuss things without conflict so both of you hear, understand and accept the other persons opinions and reasoning.

Communication in your relationship is one of the most vital aspects to having a happy and close relationship. While we learn how to talk and we can hear what another person is saying, we are not actually taught to listen or understand what is being said or even the reason it may be said. This is really an important part of your relationship and once learned can keep you in a close and happy place together, even when things in life come up that may challenge us.

I teach couples to communicate better to avoid conflictual exchanges. You can most certainly have a relationship without conflict, without arguments and without angry words being exchanged.

Marriage is a beautiful journey that two people travel together for the rest of their lives. It is the love that two people feel and share for each other that makes every moment worthwhile.

The advantages of being married are many, here are just a few:

You have will always have a partner for every occasion

You will never have to go to a party, dinner or event alone as you will have your spouse as your permanent date for life. Every New Year’s, Valentine’s Day, Birthday, Christmas or any other occasion, you will always find your chosen partner, the love of your life, by your side.

You will always have someone sleeping by your side

A wonderful part of being married is that you will always have someone by your side, to cuddle up to, to feel safe with and to hold. The first thing you do when you open your eyes each morning is see the face of your loved one.

You have a friend to share everything with – always

Having your best friend to share every joy, difficulty, excitement and accomplishment with is one of the best things marriage brings. The one person in the world that knows everything about you and you them, this is intimate and special.

I look forward to helping each and every one of you enjoy a beautiful and euphoric life together.